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THE SOLACE FLOW

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Where we talk about all things trauma, anxiety, grief and loss, depression, relationships, and much more!
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thesolaceflow

✹Athlete-turned-therapist
đŸ€ Helping athletes, retired athletes, & high achievers
📍Virtual sessions in BC & Ontario🇹🇩
đŸ‘‡đŸŒAccepting new clients

You guysssssssss, I’m pregnantttttt đŸ„čđŸ„°đŸ˜ŠđŸ€— This has You guysssssssss, I’m pregnantttttt đŸ„čđŸ„°đŸ˜ŠđŸ€—

This has truly been the hardest secret to keep. đŸ«ą 

I wanted to inform all of my clients first, as this news directly impacts them, before sharing it with this wonderful online community we’ve built here. Even while I’m on maternity leave, I still plan to remain present on this page because this space and this community means so much to me.

If you are a client and this news feels shocking to you, it probably just means we haven’t connected in a little while. Please don’t hesitate to reach out with any questions, concerns, thoughts, or feelings, I will always happily chat with you.

Thank you all for understanding that I’ve been a little MIA lately. Life has looked very different over the past seven months in the most beautiful and transformative way possible. My psychological thriller/romantic reading obsession has slowly been replaced with books about fertility, pregnancy, birth, breast-feeding, postpartum, and nervous system regulation. My movement has shifted into slower, workouts, walks, stretching, and listening much more deeply to my body. My weekends have been filled with conversations about baby names, nursery planning, baby shower prep, and soaking in this entirely new season of life.

As a therapist, this experience has also deepened my connection to the work I do every single day. It has been such a powerful reminder of the mind-body connection, the importance of nourishment, rest, movement, support, self compassion, and how deeply our emotional and physical worlds are intertwined. Experiencing such significant change within my own body has expanded my empathy and understanding in ways I honestly don’t even have words for yet, but I’m excited to share when I do.

To say we are grateful feels like an understatementđŸ„čđŸ€Ž

I’ll be making another post soon sharing what maternity leave will look like moving forward and what you can expect from me while I’m away. But for now, I just really wanted to share this part of my heart and life with you all.

Thank you for being here through all the seasonsđŸ€Ž 

- Shai
☁ a topic that has come up a lot in sessions rece ☁ a topic that has come up a lot in sessions recently 

đŸ‘‰đŸŒ swipe through to learn about movement being helpful for individuals who have ADHD 

đŸ€Ž follow @thesolaceflow for more mental health content geared towards high achievers, athletes, and retired athletes 

Warmly,

Shai

#adhd #adhdbrain #retiredathlete #athletementalhealth #highachiever
As a therapist, and a human who has battled with t As a therapist, and a human who has battled with the perfectionism-shame-burnout cycle myself, I often see how perfectionism makes rest feel uncomfortable or even wrong. When you’ve learned to measure your worth by how much you get done, resting can feel like you’re wasting time or falling behind. Productivity becomes the way you prove you’re “enough,” so slowing down can bring up guilt, anxiety, or the urge to do just one more thing.

The truth is, rest isn’t the opposite of productivity, it’s what makes it possible. Your brain and body need pauses to reset, process, and recover. Without rest, focus fades, creativity dries up, and everything starts to feel heavier than it needs to be. Pushing through doesn’t actually make you more effective; it just makes you more exhausted.

Learning to rest is often part of healing perfectionism. It means letting rest be allowed, not earned. It means trusting that taking care of yourself is not a failure, but a way of showing up more fully for your life. Rest is productive because it helps you think clearer, feel steadier, and keep going, not by force, but with care.

Follow @thesolaceflow to learn more đŸ€Ž! 

#perfectionism #perfectionismrecovery #athletementalhealth #retiredathlete #lifeaftersports
slowwwww it down - for you & your nervous system đŸ€Ž slowwwww it down - for you & your nervous system đŸ€Ž

Swipe through for an important read filled with acknowledgement of the busy lifestyle and some suggestions of ways to slow down this month. There are a lot of suggestions, it is not meant to be overwhelming, it is meant for you to be able to pick out the ones that stand out to you as something you may want to try đŸ€—

Follow @thesolaceflow for more content from a relational therapist đŸ«¶đŸŒ
💌 Dear gentle reader, Let me say this gently: if 💌 Dear gentle reader, 

Let me say this gently: if you’re coming into February already tired, you’re not doing anything wrong. So many people arrive here worn down, wondering why they don’t feel refreshed or motivated yet. You make sense.

Instead of pushing, this month can be an invitation to soften. February doesn’t have to be about fixing yourself, it can be about turning toward yourself. Slowing down just enough to notice how you’re actually doing, not how you think you should be doing.

Many of us learned that staying busy, helpful, or strong was how we stayed connected. Those patterns once protected us. But over time, they can pull us away from ourselves. Choosing yourself can feel uncomfortable not because it’s wrong, but because it’s new.

Slowing down is listening.
Listening to your body.
Listening to your limits.
Listening to what you need before you’re depleted.

If guilt shows up when you rest or say no, that’s okay. It often comes from an old story that says your worth lives in being available or easy. You don’t have to erase that story, just let it loosen its grip.

This month, choose yourself in small, human ways. Take the break. Cancel the thing you don’t have capacity for. Move at a pace your nervous system can actually handle.

You don’t need permission or a big reason.
You’re allowed to rest without earning it.
You’re allowed to slow down without falling behind.
You’re allowed to matter in your own life.

February can be quieter, softer, a time to build trust with yourself, one gentle choice at a time. And that kind of care truly counts.

đŸ€Ž

with warmth, 

a relational therapist đŸ€—

Follow @thesolaceflow for more!
As a somatic therapist, I want to gently remind yo As a somatic therapist, I want to gently remind you of something that often gets overlooked: acknowledging your emotions is the work.

So many of us were taught to move past feelings, analyze them away, or “fix” them as quickly as possible. But your nervous system doesn’t heal through bypassing, it heals through being met.

When you pause and name what you’re feeling, your body receives a message of safety.

When you allow an emotion to exist without judgment, your system learns that it doesn’t have to stay in fight, flight, or freeze.

When you feel instead of push through, you’re creating space for regulation, not weakness.

You don’t have to understand why you feel something right away. You don’t have to make it productive or positive. Simply noticing “something is here” is an act of repair.

This is what it looks like to build capacity.
This is how trust with your body begins.
This is how healing becomes sustainable instead of forced.

If you’re learning to slow down and listen, you’re not behind. You’re doing the work, one felt moment at a time. 💛

☁ Follow @thesolaceflow to learn more! 

đŸ«¶đŸŒ I am Shai, a therapist and former athlete myself. I specialize working with athletes, retired athletes, and high achievers who are facing a variety of challenges. Follow my page to learn more đŸ€—

đŸ€ I am accepting new clients. Click the link in my bio to schedule a free 15 minute consultation at a time that works best for you. You must be located in British Columbia or Ontario Canada 🇹🇩

Thank you for all the love and support on this page, it means the world to me. 

Warmly,

Shai 

#highachievers #highachiever #perfectionism #perfectionismrecovery #retiredathlete #athletementalhealth #lifeaftersports
I want to gently remind you of something that ofte I want to gently remind you of something that often gets lost in all the goal-setting noise: you don’t need to recreate yourself.

You are not behind. 
You are not broken. 
You are not a project that needs fixing before you’re allowed to feel okay in your life.

So many goals are born from a belief that who you are right now isn’t enough. And when goals are rooted in that place, they often feel heavy, shame-driven, and impossible to sustain. Not because you lack willpower, but because you’re asking yourself to grow through self-criticism instead of care.

What if this year didn’t ask you to become someone new?
What if it simply asked you to stay in relationship with yourself?

Compassionate goals don’t demand perfection. They recognize that you are human with limited energy, changing capacity, a nervous system that gets overwhelmed, and a heart that has carried a lot. They make space for the days you’re tired, the weeks that feel messy, and the seasons where “doing your best” looks quieter than you expected.

Goals rooted in compassion sound like:
đŸ‘‰đŸŒ How can I support myself when things feel hard?
đŸ‘‰đŸŒ What helps me feel a little more grounded, a little more like myself?
đŸ‘‰đŸŒ What would it look like to move toward growth without abandoning myself along the way?

You don’t need to earn rest.
You don’t need to prove your worth through productivity.
You don’t need to fix yourself in order to deserve gentleness.
You are allowed to grow with yourself, not against yourself.

This year can be less about becoming “better” and more about becoming kinder, more honest, more attuned, more respectful of your humanity. And that kind of growth, the kind that’s rooted in care rather than shame, is the kind that actually lasts.

You are already enough. 

Follow @thesolaceflow for more content from a therapist đŸ€Ž

#newyearsgoals #newyearsresolution #perfectionism #perfectionismrecovery
As a therapist, I see this every January: goals th As a therapist, I see this every January: goals that look motivating on the surface but are actually built on pressure, fear, and self-criticism.

Perfectionism is sneaky. It doesn’t show up saying, “I want to punish myself.” It shows up saying, “This is the year I finally get it right.”

Goals rooted in perfectionism are often driven by a belief that who you are now isn’t enough, and that achieving the goal will finally earn you rest, worth, or relief.

Some signs your New Year’s goals might be coming from perfectionism:

đŸ‘‰đŸŒ Rigid: There’s one “right” way to do it, and any deviation feels like failure.
Example: “I must work out 6 days a week or it doesn’t count.”

đŸ‘‰đŸŒ All-or-nothing: You’re either fully on or completely off. One missed day means you’ve “blown it.”
Example: Skipping one planned meal prep → abandoning all nutrition intentions.

đŸ‘‰đŸŒ Outcome-obsessed: The focus is on the end result, not how your body or nervous system experiences the process.
Example: “Lose 20 pounds” with no consideration for stress, health, energy, or capacity.

đŸ‘‰đŸŒ Shame-backed: The motivation underneath is fear of being lazy, disappointing, or “falling behind.”
Example: “If I don’t push myself, I’ll never be successful.”

đŸ‘‰đŸŒ Disconnected from capacity: The goal ignores your current season, resources, mental health, or energy.
Example: Setting early-morning routines while already burned out and exhausted.

Perfectionistic goals often create a short burst of motivation
 followed by collapse, guilt, and the familiar inner narrative of “See? I can’t stick to anything.” That cycle isn’t a personal failure, it’s a nervous system responding to threat, not support.

☁ follow along for part two tomorrow about how to realign your goals and adjust them to be rooted in compassion and growth over perfectionism and pressure. 

đŸ«¶đŸŒ I am Shai, a therapist and former athlete myself. I specialize working with athletes, retired athletes, and high achievers who are facing a variety of challenges, including perfectionism-shame-burnout cycle. 

#perfectionism #perfectionismrecovery #newyearsgoals
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Retired Athletes Rediscovering Fitness
Athletics

Retired Athletes Rediscovering Fitness

November 4, 2024by The Solace Flow

Retired athletes rediscovering fitness, navigating identity shifts, processing the emotional loss of sport, and unlearning unhealthy habits to build a balanced, fulfilling relationship with movement and self.

Eating Disorders vs. Disordered Eating
Athletics

Eating Disorders vs. Disordered Eating

March 10, 2024by The Solace Flow

Dive into the athlete's guide: Understanding Eating Disorders vs. Disordered Eating. Recognize signs, seek expert help, and thrive! Written from a therapist.

Pre/Post Game: Mental Health & Nutrition
Athletics

Pre/Post Game: Mental Health & Nutrition

January 28, 2024by The Solace Flow

Unlock peak performance with expert insights! Explore mental health techniques and nutrition strategies for athletes from a therapist and dietitian duo!

Retiring Athletes Face Identity Loss
Athletics

Retiring Athletes Face Identity Loss

January 21, 2024by The Solace Flow

Explore the emotional journey of retiring athletes with therapist Shailyn Waites. Learn how counselling can be a guiding light through identity loss.

The Benefits of In-Sport Counselling
Athletics

The Benefits of In-Sport Counselling

January 7, 2024by The Solace Flow

A therapist and former university athlete, explores how counselling can help athletes navigate pressures, and proactively address mental health challenges.

The Power of Post-Sport Counselling
Athletics

The Power of Post-Sport Counselling

January 7, 2024by The Solace Flow

A therapist discusses the benefits of post-sport counselling as athletes face identity loss, mental health concerns, and developing overall wellbeing.

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E: shailyn@thesolaceflow.com